Somedays you look at the sky and see nothing but grey; swirls and wind and the dismal feeling of emptiness living in your bones. Where nothing matters except for you (not) wasting away in the drips of black and white -- just a bit of color left in the atmosphere, but sometimes all you want is tiny fingers, ribs like piano keys, and the fragility that comes with being young. How unkind your own skin can be.
If I told you about my life, somewhere in the middle my story would bring you to that place, where everything seemed lonely, where you suffocate in the scent of all the good things you can't see around you. Somewhere you would find the love of my life, those who believed in me, and those who changed me -- all the people who filled me in with color, who brought me out and made me shine. If I told you about my life, my story would have so many new lines from these months that would stick beside you for as long as you can remember.
I could tell you about my best friend who gave her first and last kisses away, to my other who is going halfway across the country soon. I could tell you about my favorite gentlemen -- one who stays in the clouds most of the time and the other who treats me like his little sister. You'd know my friends in China and London, the one who got married, and the ones who took such good care of me that night. I could tell you about my new friends, those who are beautiful, full of life, and I wake up to each day, or I could tell you about the boy who has stuck by me for five years, keeping my heart, and won't leave, "just for me."
Right now, the most I can tell you is that I emptied my room tonight. I took down everything from the start and end of this year -- books, curtains, the sign I stole with Tara. Soon I will go home -- my other home, to sleep in morning sun. But I know it is different now. I will not fade into myself, but I will be surrounded by the home I have found this year -- all these people who have made my life so brilliant. I've stumbled into the arms of a life that embraces me and keeps me enclosed and safe. It's a warm feeling, like your cheeks after one too many sips of wine. Sometimes you can feel the loneliness in everyone around you, like the lonely feeling of the sea underneath the night sky. But when you come together, it's like filling some of the lonely pieces, like how the stars and the moon pay a visit to the sea when no one else is near.
It's like finding those you were always meant to meet, and somewhere inside of you, you always knew them.
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